I stare off into the distance with an aloof look on my face, I wish not to be disturbed nor to take part in idle chatter. So I put on my headphones on and play some music while you all keep talking; about this, that, them and everything in between. You all stare at me on occasion, wondering if I am a snob or just weird. I hear you whisper and say that I am distant, cold and probably fake.
Yet it is not that I am trying to be rude, nor am I stranger than any other mortal being. But I suffer from acute social exhaustion, and your endless chatter tires me. I also do not care about anything that doesn’t build me, lately I do not care about anything at all. My mind is interesting enough with the worlds it creates for me to live in and so I find myself getting lost in it more and more each day.
I am also struggling to make myself survive another day of this drudgery. The constant feelings of loneliness in a crowd, the thoughts of death in a lively moment, the suffocating sadness in the darkness and the struggle to express it all because I feel empty.
So yes, I will continue to be distant,I will continue to ignore your calls,I will even continue to sit in silence and stare. Because not everything requires a reaction; that wisdom comes with age. I do not need to know about everything and everyone, mystery and mystique are always welcome. We do not need to speak everyday to be friends, it is the connection when we do that counts and I do not need to participate in every conversation, movement, get together and party to survive.
All I need is a day to fully accept myself, to live the life I dream of in my head and to smile and actually mean it.
So leave me be. To revel in the distance.