Any girl who does her makeup knows what it is like to get that perfectly flawless finish. That gorgeous glow coupled with the perfect contour and blended eye shadow. It’s breathtaking for you as a woman, not any one else. Heck there are times I put on makeup just to take photos and stare at myself. And yet there is those times that you mess up something, like your eyeliner or lipstick color which are easily fixed by wiping off and redoing.
But if you mess your foundation, you immediately start afresh and remedy it. You cant ignore it and hope that the other layers will fix it otherwise you’ll look caked and at some pojnt in the heat, your face will mealt off.Whether it was you realizing the color was off or the blending was not on point or it was too much.
Why am I talking about this? Because yesterday I had lunch with a very close friend of mine who pointed out to me something about relationships. He said that no matter how good your intentions, or how much you love each other or how hard you try, you cannot hold up a relationship built on a wrong foundation. He went on to explain what he thought was a perfect foundation which I totally agree with and I’ll get to in a bit.
But he really got me thinking about it. Son many of us have had and maybe still have relationships built on the wrong foundation. Whether it started with one of you cheating with the other,or both, or sex or lies or scandal or boredom or heck even a baby. In the long run they seem inconsequential because I mean ” we’re still together and we’re happy and we’re doing good” right? And yet there are so many marriages and perfect relationships that break years later over seemingly small issue or because ‘we feel out of love’ or ‘the season ended’ . God didnt create marriage and the union of man and woman to be a seasonal thing,He wanted someone to have a lifetime companion, someone to do life with and grow with and make the world a better place with. We have made relationships such a casual thing that we roam from one to another without the slightest break, we cheat and lie as often as we breathe but most importantly we forget to have a rock solid and firm foundation.
Now imagine if you were house hunting and the building supervisor or landlord of a place said how the building was in perfect condition, regularly maintained,repainted and cleaned. They kept praising how there was no lead or asbestos, the power and water lines were well installed and heck, it was a green building even with solar power and a recycling plant for waste. It was in a great neighborhood with great amenities and had everything you ever wanted in a house, everything down to the last detail or maybe they’d let you do what you want as long as you kept in clean. It sounds perfect right? Up until he quietly matters under his breath that it was built on a swampy area that was not reclaimed first, or the previous tenants had an issue with the foundation because the house would occasionally sway or shake or that the load-bearing walls had ‘minor cracks’. Would you still take the house?would you jump at the chance of not just living in it but buying it,forever? It would stay in your family and you alone would incur the cost of its upkeep and renovations and needs?
I don’t think anyone would, I mean we all like quirky but even the quirkiest people do not want a house that could collapse and bury them alive.Now why would you risk your heart and soul in that way? Relationships are like a house,or makeup, you have to start out right in order to have a chance at have a long lasting finish. No one ignores priming or moistrizing their skin and no one buys terrible foundation. No person worth their humanity would be fine with building a skyscraper that had an ‘OK’ foundation. They would strive for the best, strongest one that anyone can achieve so that if the building does fall, it would be due to extreme weather never seen by man, a terror attack or an asteroid striking the earth.
So back to relationships, you do not want to build one on lies,obligation,scandal,lust or boredom.A few years in and these will seem like old stuff but they will soon crack under pressure. You cannot fix the foundation of a building, or your face once it is up/finished. You have to tear down the building or wash off the rest of the makeup and start over. So with a relationship that starts after you guys cheat together on someone or you give a false representation of yourself, or ruining someone else’s relationship,or because you had a kid together or your family/friends expect you to be together, or the clock is ticking or you are bored of being single will not last. You have to break it up and start over, on a good footing and if it is meant to be, then you will reconnect and be better than ever, stronger and even inspire others.
Remember my good friend? Well we kepttalking and he said he would want his relationship to be built on two perfect things:
Because God is a firm, never changing spirit being and relationships are about soul and spirit. The physical is fleeting and temporary; the looks, the sex, the perfect photo ops all will come to an end at some time. And even if you manage to defy age, gravity and hormonal changes, there will always be that insecurity of someone hotter than you, younger than you, more successful or whatever than you that will come along and distract your partner and even steal them. God is love, not knows love or gives love, but IS love. There is no love without God, maybe a deep infatuation, or devotion but the oy reason humans are capable of love is because they have God in them as they are made in His image and likeness. So he said, focus on God, on His son Jesus and His love and grave and He will always teach you how to love your partner right and how to keep them.
The other thing after God is friendship. The best couples are those who are actually best friends. A friendship based purely on personality and soul, where you mesh not because one of you is trying to win the other or sleep with them but out of the purity of heart. Put aside your selfish desires and just try to connect to this person and befriend them despite the fact that you want to date them. Think of it this way…if it turns out that they are not it for you and they fall in love with someone else and marry them, you would be genuinely happy for them. You would support them, not out of malicious intent to destroy that but out of friendship and wanting to see them succeed.
“Build your relationship on the foundation of the never changing God,enforce it with the pillars of true friendship and see it blossom and thrive as you add on walls of commitment, floors of trust,rooms of grace and windows of freedom.”
Besides, the time it takes to.cultivate a true friendship, be it 3 months or 5 years, will ensure you don’t make a mistake or get your heart broken, or break someone’s heart.