The secrets to being she.

There is so much about being a woman that I have learnt I the past 3 years of being legal. It’s been an eye opening journey. I have learnt a lot about my body and how to take care of it, my heart and how to guard it and my mind and how to grow it. Yet any woman will tell you that just when you think you know yourself as a woman, something strange happens and you’re back to questioning. When you think you know what you want, a new idea or craving pops up and you suddenly don’t know. It is a strange journey that of womanhood and sometimes we get lost on the way. So how do you do womanhood? How do you be the best woman you can be, not for others ,but for yourself and your sanity?

Here are the 5 best tips I got from my mother:

1.Be Discrete:

It is your body and your life and yes you can do whatever you want but that’s exactly the point. Everyone does not need to know about it. Not everyone deserves to see all of you, not everyone needs to hear about your latest escapades and not everyone needs to be privy to the details of your life. Keep it on the hush. Besides, people ruin beautiful things. Keep it private, keep it low key and whatever good thing you’ve got going on,body,career,relationship, will last. But also, your bad things won’t fuel gossip and be fodder for the judgment police.
2.Find your passion and pursue it- with a vengeance:

Women have not fought for equality for so long so that we can all become cookie cutter versions of the same thing. We fought so we have have the same open doors and opportunities that men have and basically have the right to choose. Now if that means you want to be president of a company, then dream big, work smart and go for it. If that means you want to be a doctor then practice, study and aim to be the best doctor in whatever field you want to be in. That also applies to CEO, teacher,Mechanic, engineer, pilot, chef, critic, actress, model,air hostess,entrepreneur, writer and all possible careers one can name. But it also applies to wife and mother. Those aren’t little things,ask anyone who is married with kids. It takes work, dedication and commitment to keep a marriage afloat in a generation of 50% divorce rates and even more to bring up sane, sensible, productive children to change the world for the better. So yes, if you want to be a wife and mom, it is not ‘just his little wife’ or ‘just a mum’ own it, work it and be the best you can. Do what it is you have a calling, gifting and passion for and do it well because we have fought for the right to pursue our passions. There are so many women behind you looking up to you. So to my friend who wondered of its OK to start on her road to the presidency, go for it; but only if it makes you happy.

3.Embrace your femininity :

When I turned 18, I was a staunch follower of the saying ‘act like a woman but think like a man’ believing that the only way to get ahead was to beat men at their own game by being a better ‘man’. And so many more women are believing that to get ahead,we have to act like men, think like men, be men. But quite the opposite. Change the game, don’t change yourself. Our femininity is not a curse,it is not something we work around or discard. It is our blessing, our weapon and our shield. As women we have instincts men do not have, we see things they don’t, reason in ways they cannot fathom and most importantly have things they don’t. And yes, this has been used to out disadvantage in the past but not anymore. We won’t beat them by joining them, but by taking that thing they thought was our weakness and using it to shatter perceptions,glass ceilings and cages.So  yeah,do all the stuff that are ‘girly’ and make you ‘such a woman’. You are a woman,embrace it. Be feminine. Act like a lady and think like one.

4.Pray:

As I said before, being a woman is hard. You feel like you are always trying to prove something,your hormones drive you crazy and men dont get anything but seem to have it all figured out. Your body fluctuates, you never seem to know what you want yet in your head you know that you know and most days you feel like a detective on a crime show because you know stuff but can’t prove them. It’s hard and you need divine help. Why not turn to someone who made you? He can give you guidance to navigate the storm of womanhood and give you peace. He’ll bring people your way that will enrich you and also strengthen you. So make prayer your number one priority; starts and end each day with it.

5. Stop trying to prove yourself:

I mentioned in my above point,as a woman you are always trying to prove a point to someone. Or is it just me? Whether it is that you look good, or you earned that position at work,or have a great body, or are doing ‘just fine’ after the breakup and consequent meltdown or that you can have it all, or are a good mum/wife/girlfriend. Stop caring what people think or see and just do you. All you should care about is living a life that makes you and God happy. Just because you were appointed CEO doesn’t mean you have to fear the masses just coz you’re a woman. Unless you took the office shadily. Just keep doing great work and it will speak for itself. Eat the cake, join the pole dancing class, marry at 21, stay single until you’re 35, change your style to suit your mood each day, wear something from the early 2000s. Basically do what you want. Being a woman is exhausting enough without trying to prove yourself to people who don’t really care or have it even way worse.

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