You’re blue- an excerpt from my collection of poems ‘Carthasis’

PART I

There is a strange stillness in the air as you sit across from me,

It’s neither here nor there but I can feel a shift in the atmosphere.

There was a time, not long ago, that we would have already started up an odd conversation

Heck, we would be elbow deep in some controversial topic and an 11 pm pizza

Your brown eyes would be fiery with passion and your mouth would be snapping

Your beautiful teeth would be visible as you threw our head back and laughed at my puns

We would have played a guessing game and bemoaned the passing of our youth

We would have made a million plans and laughed at the millions of others we made years back

You would have reached for my hand and I would have held yours to my heart

All this would have happened as we cooked and danced in my small kitchen

But that was all over two years ago and we seem to have drifted apart

Of late all you wanted from me were stolen conversations in the night

so on occasion you would visit my home, high as a kite.

And we would talk and talk and I would write and wish

And just as the light of morning fleeted through my curtains, you would leave

Only to return when the drugs overrode your new instinct to hide from me

And like clock work,here you are again in my house at 11 in the night

Yet this time feels stranger than the rest because for once you have not said a word

Silence, the ticking of a clock, the clink of my spoon against my coffee cup;

It’s getting darker outside and weirder inside

I stare at you and in my heart I pray for you, but also for me too…

 

PART II

Because the boy I once knew and cherished is gone

The vibrancy of your personality and the rainbow of your character

You were always so colorful, loving the world and everyone in it

You always had an opinion and were never afraid to voice it

But yet as I stare at you right now, you seem broken

You are blue, everywhere;

Your hands from the cold outside, your soul from the pain inside and your demeanor from the scars you try to hide.

You are only happy these days when your blood is filled with coke

You only visit me when your lungs are filled with smoke

And when you come, your fingers trace my face while you stare at me with hazy eyes.

And every time you do, you spill your secrets

But this time I have to prompt you and ask you what is wrong

And just like that, the flood gates open and the rain pours…

PART III

You say that you are tired of the darkness, the dredge in your soul.

You claim that you feel nothing and no one excites you anymore

You complain about the lack of passion, the lack of fire in your spirit

You say that you never feel alive and you cannot seem to find a reason to live

You tell me about all the girls and the rides and the dreams

You confess to all the sins that you had once claimed were not yours

You purge out all the stories and secrets you have kept for the last decade it seems

You take a break, take a sip of your tea and glance away in shame

You stare at me in contrition as if I am the God that you have been running from

I take a deep breath and try to think of what to say Only for you to start speaking again

You say that your heart is bleeding and your soul is reeling

You tell me how you are tired of the nightlife, the drive-by sorta love

You claim to be overwhelmed by the darkness and the shadows that haunt your heart

And as per usual I write about you; my pen bleeds ink as I fill page after page with the stories of your life

Next page; I wait for you to get up and leave as per usual…

 

PART IV

And yet today you stick around.

The light streams into my tiny living room and my body aches from lying on the floor all night

My fingers are stiff from all the writing and my heart is heavy with words

I throw my journal to a corner and I stare into your brown eyes

They are red around the rims now; you cried at some point in the night and I am sure your high has faded

You look like a sick child looking to their parents for relief

Like a broken vessel waiting to be fixed

But I am sorry, I can’t fix you.

Yet for the first time in 2 years I finally gather the courage to speak

And all I can come up with are questions

“How many times do you kill yourself to feel alive?

How many habits did you take up to relive the pain?

How many lives have you imagined to reinvent your own?

How many puffs of smoke and snots of coke will numb your mind?

How many more needles will shoot life up your veins?”

You stare at me and say “Millions and millions till I kill myself or die trying”

IMG_20170512_190535

PART V

But undeterred and determined to address these demons I say

“Can you hear that? The sound of other lives shattering because you gave up on your own?

There is so much for you to give, so much for you to receive.

You have a family, real friends, talents and giftings and youth

You have the wonder of an imaginative mind and the skilled eye of a photographer

You have the quick wit of a comic and the hands of a sculptor

You have the heart of a poet and the caressing voice of a singer

So do not for one second tell me that you have nothing left to give

Do not believe that life is but a dreary road

Do not convince yourself that you are too weak and bored to thrive

Do not believe the lie that your youth is all about getting high

The only things I can give you are love and God

I cannot give you the will to live, to thrive

All I can throw out is a lifeline

So take this shot baby; drink up a taste of life everlasting

Shake off the madness, sadness and chaos of your life

Come and surround yourself with life; friends, family and good music

Travel and see the wonder of God’s creation.

Come home; let your heart come home.”

(To be continued)

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “You’re blue- an excerpt from my collection of poems ‘Carthasis’

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s