Dear Single girl

to all the single ladies

There are many things that you are apparently supposed to be doing right now, right? Dating all the cute guys, travelling the world, getting degrees and building multi-million dollar companies. Oh let us not forget being constantly happy because this is the best time of your life, having your best and sexiest body(which is obviously small waist, big but tight butt, toned legs and arms and flat stomach), doing crazy things with your hair, going on road trips, bonding on a spiritual level with all your girlfriends, living in your amazingly decorated apartment and getting some body piercing. You may be feeling a little overwhelmed or maybe you have switched to not caring or maybe you are just lost and existing. It’s a strange world right? They are killing single girls.

You may be the girl who isn’t happy with being single, for you this is not exactly ideal. Even though you watch all these movies and series, read all these books and magazines, follow people on social media, have friends who are all sharing one message – being single is an epic ride that you should definitely get on and be happy. They promote singlehood(is that a word?) as if it is an exclusive cult that only the rich and exceedingly beautiful can enter. Even at church, you’re probably going to bible studies and hearing studies about how God is using your singleness and growing you and that there is an amazing reason to why you are single. In fact, you are told that you should wait for the right guy because he is out there and that you should spend time in God’s word and just be happy and content. and yet you keep feeling as if aren’t content.

10 questions to ask yourself while you are single

And as the rest of the single girl gang rejoices in being free of men and the obligations of a relationship, you are the exact opposite. You torture yourself with Rom-Coms and engagement ring photos. you spend some days wishing to be in a relationship or imagining your wedding day or imagining your marriage or getting jealous of random couples online or just feeling sad. And I am saying that it is OK, it’s Ok that you don’t want to go to events like weddings where you end up on the weird singles table. It’s fine that you spend some time googling how to lose weight, to grow your lashes or get a smaller waist not because you’re bored but deep down you think that if you had those things you’d be more attractive and thus not single for long. You’re not weird for googling five ways to make him love you or how to go from single to in a relationship in a month or things guys find attractive. It is fine.

And for the single girl stuck in a rut,spending her nights in strange beds or on sweaty club floors, for the girl drowning in drugs and liquor it is going to be OK. I know that maybe you think that this is what singleness is about; cheap sex, endless relationships and getting back together with your ex. That you feel that this is the way to enjoy being single or proving that your recent break up didn’t hurt or that you don’t need a man. I know maybe you feel like you are in too deep, that someone lied to you and said that you are of less value now and you’ve believed them and stayed there. I know that you have convinced yourself that it doesn’t matter; that everyone has a number and drugs are fun and this is living. I know that the body count may seem great and sometimes the hazy memory of the night makes it seem like you had fun or they reurface at the worst times and you keep running into your past. You may feel like you are in too deep, or it’s not worth it, or maybe you still think that the life you are living is the best life there is. I just want to let you know that there is more, it gets better and trust me, nothing can keep you from God’s love. No, you haven’t ruined your chances,waiting is not old-fashioned or crazy, you aren’t that far from home because home is wherever God is and He is everywhere so just stretch your hand put and hold His.

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And for that girl so obsessed with another’s journey, stop. Don’t worry about her.Whether she was single for all of 6 seconds before she got married (happily in fact) or she apparently slept with half the town. This is your journey and not anyone else’s. Do not try to conform it to Jane’s or Christina’s or Jacky’s or whatever celebrity. Take time to enjoy your time. And I know it gets tricky and challenging and the older you get the weirder it gets. I know that some questions are awkward and even hurtful. I know you don’t want to hear your grandma remind you one more time of your ticking clock or see another younger person get married or another of your peers in a relationship. I know that even if you are young you still find it awkward sitting among other girls and all the talk about is their boyfriend and maybe you get jealous, maybe you just get bored and feel left out, maybe you could care less. It’s fine.  And for that girl who is totally content with being single, has gotten a hang of it and is genuinely embracing the life, you go girl.

I am writing this to remind you that whatever you are feeling today about your singleness, whatever you feel everyday- whether you have fully embraced it or are struggling- that you are precious, you are honored, you are marvelous and God loves you. You are so beautiful both in and out, you are intelligent, you are fierce and you are a queen. So for those struggling, do not feel like you have to lower you standards or settle because you want to be loved, there is a man who loves the worst in you and creates the best in you and He is always there for you no matter what. Do not sell yourself short or feel like you have to look or talk like her. You are not too old and neither are you in the ‘prime of your life’. You do not have to date to be young or be married before 30 or have had a certain number of boyfriends and loves. You are doing fine. And for those who are content, do not feel like you are not really single until you hate it because there is a God who gives us contentment and peace and deep joy not just surface happiness. Do not let anyone steal that peace from you or let any article or movie tell you that you need to have a breakdown or some great love that holds your heart. Be happy.

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And for those who are wondering how to be content? Turn to Jesus. I know, I know it is some spiritual answer but really. Find out who you are as an individual by studying God’s word and listening to His voice because He created you. Spend this time searching for God, worshiping Him, yearning for Him. When you get discouraged, jealous or lonely, say a simple prayer. Spend time creating yourself, letting God mold you into the best version of you then into a suitable partner for someone, mold you into a Proverbs 31 woman. And when you think that you are already there, then realize you’re not because pride is not one of her attributes. Surround yourself with great friends, both male and female because great guy friends will give you hope that there are great men left and great girl friends will encourage you to stick to your walk of purity. Don’t be a typical single girl either wild and crazy or desperately waiting(and singing) for that ring. Realize that it is ok to feel your human emotions and that does not make you a terrible single; in fact, God will give you the desires of your heart, but take the time to just live. You don’t have to drive or take trips or dye your hair or whatever other cliche (I mean these things are great but that’s not the point), you could stay in your corner but make sure you are in God’s will.

But most of all,know that there is no hurry.

Yours sincerely,

xo, shalom

Kenah.

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