I recently found myself in a group of my peers who all had a sought of panic because it was time for them to go back to school and none of them had gotten their supervisor to sign off on their internship. They also hated their course and the were doing them for various other reasons that I am sure we are all familiar with like money, prestige,societal and parental pressure and their own internal pressure to be like someone else. One of them asked me why I wasn’t in a rush and then another mentioned it was because I was ‘not in school’. It then became a wonderful discussion about rebellion and when it is right. I have a bit of social anxiety and a lot of social exhaustion and so I didn’t even comment, I just stood there and thought ‘Of all these people here, none of them is doing what the want or believe them, they all seek that fleeting happiness and not deep joy, they are all probably going to be successful though (in worldly terms) and the will probably all end up being looked up to…but at what cost? What were the giving up to have that degree, that job, that car, that body, that spouse, that lifestyle? and why were the striving so hard to achieve something that they didn’t even really want and even those who did it was because they honestly didn’t know any better? Last week I wrote about effort and why it is important but today I asked myself where should I put my effort?
You see, I have no problem with any of the above mentioned things, I have no problem with people who strive for them but I do have a problem with the system we have that dictates that those are the things that make one successful. This same system says which jobs are blue collar or white, which degrees are better than others, that women need to act like men to get on top and that grades every single person on the same tests, in the same ways and decides who is ‘smarter’. I do not want to be a part of that system, neither do I want to be bound by it.
I want to be free of the ‘norms’, that is the freedom that I yearn for and strive for and fight for. I want the freedom I have in my spirit,that is light and not guilt-laden, to be manifested in my day to day life. I want to be able to say what I really mean, to do what I really love and surround myself with people who really care. I want to be able to speak my feelings and not bottle them up, to be truly emotionally and intellectually naked and unashamed like Adam and Eve before the fall. I do not want to wear the chains of world standards and conformity any more but to take up the freedom freely given to me; the freedom to just be who I am in Christ knowing that I full known and wholly loved by Him who gave it all for me before I knew it.
I want to be free of the ‘norms’ because I am finding that they are too heavy a burden to carry and their reward is too little for the steep price I pay that is my soul and sanity.
I want to live simply; to read books that I love, study topics because they spark my mind not because I’ll be tested on them and visit places that pique my interest. To really listen to my body and be free to look as I like. To go to sleep in the dead of night and wake up slowly, with no rush or haste. I want to delve into the pages of the bible,not for theology but to learn more of the God who loves me. I want to surround myself with nature and positivity. I want to not be governed by money or clocks or any other artificial restraints brought by man but rather to study the times and do what is right for the moment. I want to be rid of discontent and greed and the need to impress other people.I want to be really free; free from the religion,education,time and standards that humanity imposes on itself. Because our system is messed up and I am tired of playing a game I know I will lose made by masters I have never met. I am tired of losing my soul in the name of having a ‘comfortable life”. I am tired of losing my mind in the pursuit of ‘good grades and a great job’. I am tired of losing myself in the name of ‘making a better life’. I want nothing to do with this;I am a rebel.
So today I ask you, who are you when no one is watching? Who has God called you to be? Do you know? Or are you stuck in the rat race of life trying to be what people say you should be? If you know, are you being that person, growing that person, living that person? What do you stand for? If you aren’t I want to remind you that you have one life on this earth and the humans here are not going to judge you at the end of it. You were bought at a price, blood, and thus you have freedom to choose. You are not bound to any one person(unless you’re married of course) or standard or career or place. Move about, search deep, change and grow and make yourself. So I ask you to rebel, to come out of the masses and to take a stand for the arm of God. To create your own path and walk in the light of God, to sail uncharted waters because your land is in unmapped territories. Instead of caring about the set societal standard and norms how about you fix your eyes on Jesus and on Heaven’s standards? Then live your life knowing you answer to no one but God.
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