To the women I once was

So I’m currently on a vacation for a bit and I have decided to write more poetry and fiction. I had been suffering a bit of a writer’s block for a minute there. This specific poem was actually finished last week but life got in the way before I could post it so I decided to post it today.

I have worn a lot of faces in life;

A lot of different personalities and traits.

Some of them were masks, others were faces I had ripped off of other people.

Some were for fun, for the thrill of it

Yet others were a necessity, to protect and shield myself.

I have been many people in my short life,

Yet I have been me.

You see all the different faces I have worn may make it seem as though I am not me

And yet without them I wouldn’t be who I am today.

On one hand there is who I was made to be that I keep discovering

And on the other there is who I have wanted to be at different points in life.

Both these versions of me have many branches and neither can exist without the other.

I have had to be fake in order to get real,

I have had to be lost in order to find the way,

I have had to break in order to be whole

I have had to experience pain in order to know joy

I have had to be in chains in order to have freedom

I have had to submit so as to have power

I have surrendered in order to be in charge.

It is the paradox of life, the oxymoron I love.

You get only when you give 

And to find yourself you have to lose your self first
So for that I am grateful.

I’m grateful to the all the women I once was,

To the versions of me throughout the years.

I loved them and will continue to do so.

Their weaknesses made me stronger,

Their pain made me more resilient.

Their fear made me braver

And their insecurities made me content in who I am.
The women I once was are not really gone,

Even though they are dead and buried,

They are a part of who I am today.

Pieces of them make up the woman I am now;

The innocence of 5 year old me keeps my soul pure,

yet the curiosity of 16 year old keeps my mind awake.

The strength of 10 year old me keeps me going on

And the confidence of 8 year old me keeps my head up.

The drive of 17 year old me keeps me working on my dreams

And the heartache of 20 year old me keeps me cautious

The mouthiness of 14 year old me keeps me speaking my mind

And the nobility of 21 year old me keeps me discrete.
And it’s not just through the years that I have learned;

But all my mistakes were not in vain, they gave me experience.

All my uncertainty was not for nothing because it grew my faith.

All my triumphs were not just for show, they gave me hope.

All the times I strived to be like someone else were not wasted because I learned to appreciate the effortlessness of being myself.

All the fake masks and masquerades only made it easier for me to be comfortable in my own face.

I have drawn strength from the weakest moments of my life

Even now, I continue to be who I am.
So yes, I am who I am and I am also who I was not.

I will continue to grow and change and I will shed some skin.

I will gain new layers and I reveal more of myself.

I am on a journey and for once in my life, I am learning to trust it.

Much love to you guys and I hope you all embrace who you are and who you’ve been because that is how you grow on to the next level. There is grace for your mistakes, forgiveness for your sin and faith for your doubt. There is hope for tomorrow, strength for today and joy for your sorrow. The journey is not in vain and even where you have taken a detour, God will find you.

Shalom,Kenah

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