Self-worth: Daily reminders for those struggling with the need for validation
March 19, 2018
So you’re doing just fine and life is going OK and then you post a selfie and it gets only 5 likes in as many hours. Or you really want to go into teaching as an Early Childhood development expert but then ‘what will people think of me?’. You wake up and suddenly you are drowning in despair because you feel like no one recognizes how hard you work. You read the comments on your latest post and you suddenly can’t even breathe let alone walk outside. You work and study too hard and too long trying to get those As in subjects you don’t like just to hear your dad say ‘I’m Proud of you’ and it never comes. You look at yourself in the mirror and remember all those photos of celebs and Instagram models and even your friends and you suddenly can’t stand your reflection. You spend your money on cars, clothes, shoes, flat tummy teas and waist trainers just to lose followers and look worse. You make up your face and wear your best only for the guy you like to ignore you and ask your best friend out. You want to paint and draw but you go get a law degree because ‘how else will I prove I am smart?’
Do the above scenarios sound familiar? We all get side tracked into searching for validation from others. We all sometimes draw our worth from things rather than from within and sometimes we are so messed up within that we can’t even start to look there. And I know you are trying, you’re trying to love yourself and be better and stay positive but it is hard. You are surrounded by voices and images that constantly show you how to be ‘better’ or do ‘more’ or get ‘there’ and others that are wallowing and promoting despair and self-hate in the name of comedy. You want to love your body but you keep getting pictures of how to get abs or thin your thighs or of people who are supposedly body goals. You want to follow your passion but you read statistics and get advice on how you’ll never make it and it’s not a real job. You want to serve God but it’s totally uncool and everyone gets so offended.
So for those searching for validation, whether in order to make a decision or to make your day or to increase your self-esteem, here are 6 great reminders to pin to your wall and tell yourself everyday to make your life better.
1. You are already validated:
God has already validated you. You are not validated by your actions, or by people understanding you or by a human’s love but by God’s love. Likes, comments or shares do not make you better or prettier or your cause more worth it. Your decisions are not better just because there are more people going that way or supporting them. You are validated in life because of God’s love for you. And his love is not conditional on your performance as a human or on a test, it does not depend on whether you are liked by others or you obey him and there aren’t times where he loves you more or less for you to work harder at being loved more. He loves you purely because he created you, you are His image so that fact alone validates you.
2. You are worthy:
Not because of what you did, but because of what He did for you. You are worthy because God gave his son to die for you. So do not feel like you need approval or love of human beings. You are worthy of love, of life and of every good thing. Imagine that someone died for you knowing you had the choice to reject them, scorn them and deny them. Imagine that someone wants you to live forever. Do not cheat yourself into thinking you will become worthy by doing this or getting that or being there but remind yourself that you already are.
3. Your identity is in Christ not achievements or even a name:
It doesn’t matter about your family or what you have or have not accomplished. It doesn’t even matter that you aren’t really sure who you are. It doesn’t matter the sum of your choices. You are not defined by the consequences of your actions but by the fact that you are a Child of God. Don’t be so hang up trying to prove yourself to people who’ll forget you exist the minute the next big thing happens but be secure in your identity as a child of God. Your identity is not based on what you possess or in where you come from or in what you have done but in who made you and who gave his life for you.
4. You have got to do what you were made to do:
I know it will make your parents happy if you became a lawyer and you’ll be respected more as a CEO and you’ll be #goals if you become a model or date that person but all that is irrelevant if that is not your calling and if it’s not God’s will for you. Do what you were called to do, do you, do your purpose. Whether it is painting or teaching or building or defending the weak or providing electricity or being a mom; do you. You will find peace of soul, mind and body if you stop struggling to be popular or be appreciated or be looked up to and instead concentrated on doing your purpose. And you’ll know it; it comes naturally, it makes you happy, it makes each day a better day and it strengthens your spirit. Find that thing and do it, not for the recognition, but for the fulfillment and trust me, you’ll feel so much better. Don’t be hang up on doing anything to get validated but know you are validated and do what you need to do for you.
5. It’s temporary:
You see, this life is temporary obviously but so is the validation of human beings. Today they like you and tomorrow they can’t stand you, today they agree with you and tomorrow they are stoning you. They will sing your praises with the same mouth that they will use to call for your execution. They will fight for you with the same hands they will use to stab you. It is all temporary so if you build your worth based on the opinions of those whose minds change with the wind, how is it supposed to stand? Build your worth on the unchanging truth of God.
6. You are more:
You are more than a number on a scale or inches on your waist. You are more than the smoothness of your faces or the people asking you on dates. You are more than a grade on a test and a university selection. You are more than the sum of all your mistakes and your worst embarrassing moments. You are more than the money in your bank account and the worst words anyone can hurl at you. You are more than the numbers of likes on your post or the length of your last relationship. You are forgiven and you have a bright future. Remind yourself that you are more.
Daily Reminder: “You are more. You are greater than the physical. You are God-breathed and ordained for a purpose. “
Print this out and put it on your mirror or laptop screen. Remind yourself this everyday so that you never have to build your worth on the validation of others. This will ensure that you live the life you were created to live and not a life of fear or of people-pleasing. Like this if it blessed you. Share with a friend to bless their life and put in on your timeline to bless someone’s day. Subscribe if you haven’t already and have a great week ahead.
Love and light to you,