Happy New Month!!😊 The year is almost finished a quarter already, time is flying and I feel like I am just crawling along… sigh Anyway,I hope you had a blessed passover/Easter season and spent time in worship, awe, reverence, rejoicing and really marveling at God’s sacrifice for us. So obviously I didn’t post this yesterday because family time but I am right back on the horse. Anyway, I am a book nerd, book worm, lover of books or whatever you want to call people who love fiction more than life. And sometimes as I read a book I struggle with the need to jump to the end of the story, like there’s too much drama, pain or death and I really really just want to see how it ends; is it a loving merciful end? Is it a cliff hanger that means I have to get the next book? Is it ambiguous and open to your own interpretation? Is it a crazy end that just leaves you emotional and unsteady? And I know anyone who has read a book worth it’s reviews has felt that need to just peak at the ending, you know, just a little bit. Sometimes the story gets too much and because you have invested time and emotions in the characters, you struggle to just let it unfold. You want to know now how it ends, you don’t want to wait because you feel like you cannot bear it.
I realized that I do the same thing with my life, sometimes things get so thick, so hazy, so dramatic and painful or unsteady that I really want to fast forward to the end and just stay there. Or sometimes I am just so confused and the plot makes no sense and I wish I had a peak at the end just to see how each decision turns out and then I can make one informed and right one to clear the confusion. I don’t want to live the story, I want to watch it unfold from a far. I don’t want to stay in the story, in the process, I want to be on the last page. I want my life figured out and as perfect as life on earth can be.
And this causes so much stress for me because I really want to write my own story, but since it’s my life, I don’t want to mess it up. There are also times when I need to turn the page and move on to the next chapter but I am too afraid because in the past chapter, too many things went awry. So I am left in some sort of limbo, existing but not living, too afraid to make decisions and just doing the bate minimum to finish a day.
But then I have come to realize that life doesn’t work that way; there is no perfection, there is no ‘right’ way really. There is only consequences for your actions and growth. There is no ‘figuring it out’ because in life there’s always a curve ball thrown at you and there will always be new heights to climb and new trials to strengthen you, new paths to take and new challenges to face. And you’re only done when you’re dead. It ends at death and you move on to face the consequences of your actions and to live forever in heaven or hell depending on how you responded to the gospel.
Don’t stress it, faith it.
And then again I saw, not to spoil the ending, it ends well, it is well. God already defeated the main villain so my work is to live as a victor. More so, He has said that it is well, that all things ARE working for my good, that I AM more than a conqueror. And yet that doesn’t quite sink. You see, I take God’s word more like a biased review that word of the author That maybe it might be well if only I got my head right and did this or that. You and I are not suppose to live as if we don’t have direct access to the author or that the author is a liar and just loves to play games with us. We are to live as if we are loved, as though when Jesus said ‘It is finished’ he meant it and it was. We are not supposed to try and disengage when the trials come or fake our way through the challenges or bury our head in the sand and sigh in defeat or make decisions just because everyone else is but to take our faith and work it out. We are meant to trust more in the unseen than the seen. We are to trust the process and the journey because we know the guide.
So next time you struggle with the page you’re on or wonder how it ends or feel as if you can’t make a decision one way or another, remember it ends well, the author and perfector of your life has provided you with all you need for life and your story is beautiful. Keep going, page by page, chapter by chapter because it ends well.
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Love and light to you,